Parents have moments of complete exasperation with their children. These incidents can cause feelings of enormous anger. This is a natural human phenomenon. Parents must channel feelings of anger into productive discipline that does not inflict permanent damage on their children.

The golden rule of speaking with children about poor behavior is to refer to the act as offensive and not the child. There is a very big difference between "you are awful, " and "That is an awful thing to do." The first statement implies that there is something wrong with the child. The second statement references the act as inappropriate, and not the child themself.

When parents tell their children that they are "bad," the children begin to believe that this is true and think they might as well live up to it. "You are bad, get out of my sight" does not give a child any alternatives. Try saying, "You should not be so rough in the house. Please calm down." This statement describes the behavior and gives the children concrete information toward making a safer choice in the future. Clearly, quiet play in the house is wiser than rough play.

When parents see poor behavior, they should tell the children up front and clearly what the consequences will be if this act happens again. They may have to "remind" the children of the consequences several times. It is terribly unkind to punish children without fair warning. If they misbehave on purpose, they should be aware that they have chosen to do wrong. They should also know that there will be repercussions in response to the deed. The consequences should be whatever the parents told the children to expect. It can be a time out, no television, or dinner without dessert.

It is imperative that parents understand that harsh unexpected punishment can cause children emotional damage. The damage can be so extensive that it interferes with normal functions. Youngsters should always know the consequences of both appropriate and inappropriate behavior.